OTHER SIDE OF ME

Very often we are made to feel that we have the liberty to choose anything we want in life, that we need to be bold enough to pursue it. Very often whenever we try to make that choice, the chilling fear of the unknown consequences or what the road not taken would lead us to often make us reluctant in making our choice. Weighing in all the pros and the cons, we often land up taking the safest route leaving our dreams and aspirations lurking somewhere in the corner.   And there are times when we give up everything so that we can fulfill everyone’s expectations, to be a good wife, good daughter, good sibling or even a good employee. But is it enough for the self? Does it make you feel happy looking forward to every new day?   Very often what we do is expected from us and very often the effort and the tiredness and juggling everything in between lures us and perhaps the saddest part is the effort often gets unnoticed. So dies the dreams, aspirations and the identity of the self ...

  At that moment when she asked me to step down for someone else, my whole trust and faith just came crushing down. I have never thought even for a second that someone in that position will have the audacity to do such pitiful thing and that too from her, someone that I have looked upon, someone whom I thought of as my mentor, source of inspiration and above all whom I so blindly trusted. I accepted as she desired but it broke me down…pushed me to the dungeon where I found no escape. I literally cried for about three months, hiding in the corner of the office, thinking what I have done so wrong to be treated like that. Stepping down wasn’t the problem, I wouldn’t have cared that much but to have my trust and faith broken by the person I so admired and looked upon shook me to the core. Perhaps I may never learn to trust again or have any faith or expectation from just anyone. I felt sorry for myself for having worked so hard. I wished only if I had not dedicated and committed li...

When I heard about mental health well-being a few years back, I often wondered what that meant. Perhaps people who do not go through this phase may not understand or empathize with those suffering from it.  I am not saying that I have been diagnosed with such things, or I am not even sure whether I am suffering from a mental health problem. But am I experiencing depreciation in my mental health and well-being? And for that, I would perhaps say maybe. I have always strived to do my best, whether at work or with family. I have always strived to build my capacity to the point that sometimes it is exhausting to feel the emptiness and incompetence no matter how hard I try. Sometimes, I go after a wild goose chase, which has affected me in unknown ways.  I felt I needed to do something to pick up myself from this dreading feeling of not knowing what I was feeling. My thoughts are clouded, my actions erratic, and there is a feeling of development of indifference, which is also kind o...

Do you ever come across a moment in life where you thought I should have said that , a pang of regret of not saying that out loud? It is quite understandable that, for a person who does not speak or socialize that much, expressing can be sometimes difficult. You have to think a lot before you raise a voice. I have an introverted personality but I have raised my voice when I feel like certain things are not impacting us in the right way. A Senior gave me a vengeful eye and even said I am a dangerous person. While the positive comments received from other colleagues faded away with time, that one comment still lingers on my mind. The age-old practice of always being a yes man or yes woman is not always a good solution. If you know that it is harming you and your surroundings,speak out. Maybe you will be the black sheep but I believe that if it brings positive changes, being that one is not a bad thing.

Do you believe in fate? What is it actually? Have you ever wondered? Perhaps fate is interpreted differently by different people. From a small age itself I heard people saying that whatever happens will happen as per individual’s fate. Is it not scary? Is it ok to leave everything to fate? Is it even possible that everything happens as per fate and we don’t have any control over it? What if something goes wrong and you leave it to fate rather than working on it?  I don’t deny that i don’t believe in fate. But i don’t want to leave everything to it. Only when I run out of all the options then may be, perhaps a point when i have utterly given up. I always believe that it is one's choice that determines the destiny. I don’t wait for something to pop out of nowhere and suddenly bring prosperity in my life. Through hard work, determination and consistent, we can achieve the level of satisfaction we desire. I have always believed on that principle and I have achieved it. I do not go af...

Do you ever come across a moment in life where you have so many things to express but can't find right words? To put it other way round, do you find it difficult to even construct a good sentence? I have been struggling with writing for quite a long time now. I have stopped blogging after I joined service. In addition to that I have read only about five books in these four years of my career. An engineering career is definitely not a piece of cake but I wasn't determined to read and explore. Someone said that a busy person will always find time, maybe I was making excuses all along. I have realized that if not now, I will never be able to live up to my own expectation. My future self is not going to be happy with me. Therefore from now onward I pledge to read every day even if it is a page and I will invest on books too.  In addition to that i will update my blog  at least once in a month.