Tuesday, September 10, 2013

Bloated up with emotions

What do you usually do when your emotion bloats up like it is going to burst out from your chest?
Different people have different ways of dealing with it.  For me I usually get knocked down by my emotions. When the emotions are at its peak, I talk very less. I will be sitting on my bed trying to think, the reasons of me being so emotional. If I find a reason I try to put myself in their shoes and think that what they did may not be intentionally, that everyone is fighting their own battle, that not everyone is perfect. I try to reason out so many things both realistic and unrealistic and when I am contend with my reasons the emotions slowly slips away.

Sometimes the reason just doesn't pops out of my mind. At that time I really find it hard to deal with it and I start calling my best friends who are miles away from me yet always there for me whenever I need them. I starts complaining about my pathetic life and the situations and they try to console me and believe me at the end of conversation or chat those emotions would have walked the way out of me.  The other way is I scribble down everything that I feel or tell the actual person who are the reasons of my emotional fluctuation.  I believe that not everyone knows what we are going through, letting them know is the only choice to resolve things but believe me I find it really hard to do this way and I do this only when I have no other options.

However there comes a time when I have to deal with the situation alone.  When there are millions of thought revolving around my head yet no word to give justice to how I am actually feeling. When I have to deal with myself, when the source of emotions bloating up within me is only because of me, when my mind knows everything yet I am scared to accept what my mind knows. When the outside world is so perfect be it friends or family, their  love and care showering on me to make me feel on top of the world yet a feeling of emptiness within me. At that time I try to sleep when the load circled around my chest is so heavy that if I stand a bit longer I will collapse then and there. But when thought are million sleep usually becomes expensive and that is when the emotions try to get out of me in the form of tears.

I think that we do not have method or ways to stop our self from undergoing emotional ups and downs but we can deal with it in various ways.  While we are dealing with emotions because of so many reasons  first thing I feel is that it should not hamper other peoples' life, that we should not make use of someone who are not the reason of emotional fluctuation to show your frustration to other people. (Probably known as showoff in order to let the other people feel that you are better off without them). If we are hurting someone or showing off to someone who was once upon a time very special person in our life, I believe that our feeling towards them was never sincere. We do not get everything that we desire; ups and downs are the part and parcel of life. We have to accept things and let go past. We have to feel happy that once they were a part of our life. Everyone is fighting their own battle as I mentioned above, so if we can’t help them at least we should not make their life worse by showing frustration and all.  Dealing with the emotion in positive manner is the only way to make our life better. I do not know how positive is my way of dealing with emotion but believe me it worked out for me till now and I hope it would continue to do so.

Sunday, September 8, 2013

Slowly and gradually

Slowly and gradually I will leave your side
Like you want me to be
Slowly and gradually I will keep distance from you
Like you expect me to be
Slowly and gradually I will move on
Like you want me to be
Sorry for bothering you a lot lately
Because I find it harder dear
Harder than I thought to stay away from you
The thought of cutting contact with you
Pricks me and I find it harder to deal with it
The thought of not seeing you scares me
The thought of not knowing how you doing
Pushes me into the world of questionnaire
Sorry dear but I shall try
Slowly and gradually I will go away
Slowly and gradually it will be like I was never a part of your life
Till then bear with me dear
Slowly and gradually i will become invisible to you