Tuesday, July 4, 2017

Khekpa or is it head hunter?

From my early childhood days itself, I use to hear people scaring their little ones by saying about khekpa.  How they kidnap you and then feed you good food and then put you in between walls to die. I don’t know how far it is true but to make it more realistic elders use to narrate stories about them. Well now when parents are narrating story as their supporting document how can we deny about it. So I always had that fear at the back of my mind and even now when I am adult I still get frightened when I hear about it.

 In the recent times there were rumours about khekpa in Nganglam.  I don’t know why but whenever there is some problem in some place I somehow reach that place.  It so happened that I actually chose to go to Nganglam for PHCB. Despite of piles of work in the office, I thought why not roam in Nganglam for few days. Of course more than roaming it was tiring like hell. During that time there were  rumors’ of khekpa. It  didn’t scare me while I was in Pema Gatshel. But there was air of fear among the people living in Nganglam. All of them were scared of Khekpa and were also narrating few incidents. I don’t know how far it was true but it was successful in making me scared.


  In Nganglam I stayed at my friend’s sister’s place. Everyone was sound asleep when I heard some whispers followed by flickering light from outside. When I checked my cell phone it was one something am.  My heart was beating so fast and I thought that’s the end. That’s how we die.  I slowly woke up my friends who was sleeping next to me and told her that there were khekpa around. I imagined how one of them will climb the house and the rest will surround it .Then the one who climbs will open the door and then will kidnap.  This was how people there narrated to us. And I felt as if someone had climbed. I actually forgot at that moment that there were actually six people at home not alone as in the story narrated. My friend was also scared and called her brother in law. In the mean time I called my two other friends sleeping in other room. But they didn’t pick up. When brother in law went to check I woke up and tried to put on the light. But my friend forbade me saying khekpa will see us. I tried to follow her brother in law but my friend was scared to death that she didn’t even let me. There was complete silent for what seemed like forever. I imagined how kidnapper has kidnapped her brother in law and oh god… that was scary. After sometime her brother in law said that they weren’t khekpa but people who were doing patrolling at night since the rumors’ of khekpa. Both of them slept but can’t say whether peacefully or not but I stayed awake for a long time. Even a tinge of noise would wake me up and to these days still if I am alone. The scary night did make us laugh a lot next day. 

Tuesday, June 20, 2017

New beginning

What has happened in this past one year? Time seems to be fleeting at the speed of light.  During this time last year we were working on our final project presentation to the external examiner. This project stole my peace for two final semesters. I always wished it to be successful even though our project guide rejected this topic saying it’s beyond our level.  Yet we were determined to do mainly because we could not find any other project topic. So the journey of my project “Effect of foundation soil on the dynamic behavior of the building frame” thus began.  It was not a piece of cake and I often blamed myself for choosing such tough topic. Yet my love for exploring and my undying effort did bring some result at the end. Of course I did have my project group member to help me. When the final presentation was over and when they applauded, it was perhaps the best day till date. Getting appreciated for what you have been working for two semesters is perhaps the best feeling I have felt so far. I think god surely help those who help themselves.

After graduating from CST, I was worried about the job market. There were enough civil engineers in the market with better marks. I wondered if I will ever get job. I was internally searching for jobs be it in private or on contract or corporations. While on the other hand I was also preparing for RCSE (Royal Civil Service Examination). I attended few interviews and always stood on the stand by…  Every time I saw the interview result I was like “what am I doing wrong in interview?” I don’t have the fear of doing presentation nor do I get scared in interview.  I do know that I have the confidence. Some of my friends pointed out that my weak physics or my seriousness would have hampered. I still don’t know…may be I am not smart enough I thought.

So I waited for RCSE result and everyone thought that I will get through except me. There were about like 270 + Civil engineers appearing for main exam  and only 33 slots in government agencies. I was 101% sure that I won’t get but my family was like you will get through. Even though I told them that I did badly my mother was like” there are good signs and I think you will get”. And somehow I got through. Of course I was not among the top rank and I didn’t expect also. Getting through was like way more ok for me.  May be good fell pity on me after seeing me working hard for it…  I guess god does help those who help themselves.

Now I have been working in Government for the past 5 months. I have been placed in Pema gatshel in Engineering Section. I never thought that I will be ever working in remote areas.  Having born and brought in the city (Thimphu) which is not so big compared to outside ofcourse, I thought life will be difficult in remote areas. So when I left for Pema Gatshel I thought how am I going to survive there?  But I was surprised by this place. It is remote yet there is also a beautiful life here. People are friendly and polite and easy to work with. Of course we get almost all the basic needs …..Pointing this out because I remember of asking my friend if we can get rice in Pema gatshel before coming here. I actually thought of buying rice and all basic things from Thimphu when coming here. My friend did scold me so I didn’t buy. It is also peaceful. Now when I go for tour to Thimphu, I Miss Pema Gatshel and I want to come back.  When I told one of my friends that I feel happy when I am back here, she was like “we always feel happy to be back to the house where we pay rent”. And maybe that is also right…I don’t know…

Thursday, February 11, 2016

Longest break

It has been very long time since I have last updated my blog. I do have bunch of excuses that are not valid. May be I am good at giving excuses only. Blog has been my only platform where I dump my emotional bull shit. The only reason I created my blog. It has been my savior when I was overwhelmed with emotions. The only time I wrote something was when I felt strongly about something.

I wrote my last post after getting back from Riga.  Thinking about my days in Riga still makes me smile. Most people feel happy when they go back to their home after being away. But It was opposite for me. As the day to leave Riga was approaching, I felt bit sad thinking that this beautiful part of my life will never come back again. There were other things waiting for me at home but I really wanted to hold on to what I had at that time. But then those beautiful days eventually ended and I was back home.

My twenty days summer break at home ended very quickly and I was back to CST. Before I left to Riga only, I knew that I will lose a year but then I would say it was a like a paid vacation; a year gained to experience some beautiful journey and happy times. Even though I was prepared to face the reality, somehow I searched for familiar faces in the college campus. I won’t say that there weren’t one but the faces I searched have already graduated. At that time only I knew how attached I have grown to my BE Civil engineering batch of 2011. I felt like how I had felt when I joined college in first year. That time only I realize that it is those people whom we spend our times with that matter than the surrounding. Everything was same in CST; yet everything was different.  I wished if only I have graduated with them but then a year away was also important for me.

The usual routine of college started and I got pretty busy with project, assignment, term test. Like before I again lost weight.  The only thing I am capable of when I am in CST.  So I have-not done anything interesting nor do I have anything interesting to share but time does fly so fast.  It is my final semester and I hope it goes well. And I also hope that I do not take such a long break from blogging.

Monday, August 10, 2015

Out of blue

It was raining heavily as I ran to a restaurant for a shelter. I have forgotten to take my umbrella as usual even though my wife reminded about it several times. As I walked inside the restaurant I came across a familiar face. Both of us looked at each other surprised. She grinned at me and we hugged each other. It has been a very long time since we last met. We studied in the same college and I had a crush on her for a very long time. I could not approach her nor did she show me any sign other than friendship. I knew I was friend zoned and there was not any way out. We drifted apart after college. But something unexpected happened on the night of our graduation. As I was packing my stuff she called me and told me that she wanted to meet me. We went on a friendly walk. There was not anything romantic about it as she kept on talking about the employment opportunities. In the middle of the conversation she started teasing me with a girl; a remorse she has heard from her friends about my relation with that unknown girl. I was bit pissed off with her as she kept on teasing me with that girl when all I wanted was to tell her how I feel about her. I told her that I was not interested in any unknown girl she was teasing me and I prefer only friendship just like the kind of friendship I have with her. She didn’t say anything; she just laughed and said that was the best thing. So that’s it, nothing romantic and we drifter apart.

took sit beside her as she ordered coffee for me. It was like the old time, how we use to eat in canteen with our limited pocket money. We talked about everything from job to spouse to kids. Then she said that she wanted to ask me something. She called it an old story. She asked me whether I felt anything for her during our college days. I laughed thinking how stupid those feelings were and told her that I did have crush on her. She also laughed and said some of her friends told her about his feelings. So it seems like no secret is ever kept secret. And it reminded me about that night. It stuck my mind that she actually wanted me to confess to her that night or may be propose if I am not mistaken. When I asked her she laughed and said that I did confess.

When I walked home that day after meeting her I wondered how my life would have been if I have actually told her. There were lots of questions and what if stuff in mind. At the end I thought if I was meant to be with her I would have been. Believe it or not at the end of day it is all about fate.  May be I don’t have any other excuses or anything to blame but fate. But as I saw my wife half way to my house with an umbrella, what if evaporated from my mind and I knew why sometime things are better of the way they are.

Wednesday, June 24, 2015

Hardest answer

There is a part of her that is dark
Beneath that calm soul demon lurks
Often wondered why demon dwells inside her
But for so long she hasn’t received the answer
She heard people calling her calm person
Yet she reminded them of having darker side
They laughed in disbelief
She smiled knowing that it is also one of her side
Not many see her darker side
 With time she knew about the demon within
The envious demon makes its appearance
Whenever she becomes closer to someone
Her demon hurts only people she care
Often making them scared of her
And she heard them telling her that too
She wondered will anyone stand by her side with demon inside
Her only answer was may be only insane will
She searched for solution to kill the demons inside
Then only did she get the hardest answer
To stay away from the one she cares
But she wont let it win not this time




Thursday, May 28, 2015

Uniqueness

Some years ago (high school) I listened to some talks by some well known people but it seems I was not that mature enough to grasp what they said. We were asked to sit in the multi-purpose hall. We were excited not to listen to the talks but to escape from the social work (SUPW) and the scorching sun. I don’t remember what speaker told us exactly because most of the time I was sleeping with my head on friend’s back while she shielded me from the view of teachers and the speaker. Somehow in the middle of the talk I heard the speaker telling us again and again  that our country Bhutan do not have anything such as powerful weapon, wealth or population that would define who we are. But what we have is something unique that none other has and that is our culture and tradition. Our unique culture and tradition define who we are. Well seriously speaking I didn’t know what he was actually talking about. And it didn’t even bother me to ponder over the things he said. As soon as the talk came to an end, I hurried to catch my bus.

Now when I think about it, I have the guilt of not appreciating what we have. I remember often thinking about the structures which has more or less same design.  I even remember telling my friends that design of almost all building are so monotonous. Why can’t we build or come up with the design like that of foreign countries. I always have this craving to see unique structure or anything that is different. I even use to narrate the jokes I heard. I think most people know about it but I do not know whether it is true or not. A tourist once asked “isn’t there any architecture in Bhutan?” Well I am sorry if it is not true or if it turned out to be offensive. And other non-stop talks about how important it is to preserve our culture, our religion, traditional dress and so many.  I don’t know but I didn’t even bother to think about it. It is not that I didn’t care at all; I follow the rules like having to wear our national dress when going to monastery or to schools or classes. I have been a good follower when it comes to rules and regulation but it was not out of my genuine concern. I am Buddhist by religion and it is a shame on my part when I cannot tell our core values of our religion when someone ask about it. I do have a vague idea of how our religion is but if someone asks me for details, I do not have it.  That is when I feel guilty or ashamed of being ignorant.

It is true that we do not have anything proud to talk about other than our unique culture and tradition, at least from my point of view. And the surprising thing is when other people know more about our country than we do. It now makes sense why foreigners appreciate our preserved culture and tradition.It also makes sense why we donot create structural design like that of foreign countries. one of my architect friends said while i was blindly criticizing about design , it is a challenge to keep our architecture alive while incorporating modern facilty. i think little knowledge is indeed very dangerous (reminder to myself)  Uniqueness defines who we are. When I see something different or something new it’s refreshing. Reflecting back, I feel happy and proud now that our elders and those who knew about the essence of our uniqueness have kept our identity alive. Every individual will have their own perception and I respect that. But for me I have the responsibility to take care of our uniqueness.  In the fast changing modern world we should embrace the changes but at the same time let us not forget who we are.  If we do not take care of the root of what defines us then who would.


Sunday, April 26, 2015

Thank you note

My face book home page is filled with the earthquake news that has brought major destruction in Nepal. As I scroll down the page, I see the images of people killed, structure destroyed, road damaged and a lot more.  Tears wells in my eyes when I think about the people who are undergoing this phase right now.  The death rate is also increasing. When natural disaster like this happens, we become prey to it. There are safety measures’ but lives are still lost .so  we can only hope that such disaster won’t strike again. For all those people who have lost their dear ones, I am very sorry. I pay my deepest condolence and I hope that such hours of darkness gets over soon.

When disaster like this occurs, we are reminded about how fragile our life is and about our impermanence.  We often tend to think more about what has not yet happened than to thank about what we have got so far. One day such things happen and you never got a chance to say thank you to all those wonderful people who has made your journey worthwhile and to live with such regret will be like having a disease without any cure. No one knows when will be the last day of our life. So why not thank now and be good to people in your small way. We need not have to be the remarkable person in others people life and not all will become so important in our life also. But everyone has the role to play and if it has made us who we are today and if we are grateful about it than be thankful. Even those people who made us cry has brought some change  in a positive way than be thankful.

So with this thought I want to thank my family for their unconditional love and support. Despite of so many ups and downs in our life, we have stood strong side by side.  We still have so many miles to go and knowing that you all will be there in my life will always make me happy no matter how hard my life becomes.  If tomorrow something happens I want to let you all know that being your daughter and the sibling has been the best gift of my life. Thank you very much my family. I always think like what I did in my previous generation that I always land up being friends with  wonderful people.  I have met lots of wonderful people and yes some drifted apart but I still have more who are always there when I needed them and I would be there for them also. My friends have always made me happy and yes some do criticize me a lot sometime but that’s the beautiful part of friendship. We need not have to fear of saying what we want to say and they accept us as who we are. So thank you all for your friendship. Yes I did come across people who also made me cry or angry. But then now when I think about it I feel silly for being so immature and I do know that I do have mistake on my part as well. In some way I feel you all made me softer and made me think that not everyone is same and helped me to develop a kind of acceptance nature. Thank you very much for that and I did learn that lesson in a very hard way. And for the special someone who came to my life, thank you very much. I mean every word of thank you. And I want to thank all of people I have met even through facebook, blog or other social media. You all have also been wonderful people. Some inspired me, some encouraged me and some made me happy by going through my blog and some let me read their beautiful articles. Thank you very much.