Tuesday, December 16, 2014

The Pride

One of the perks of studying outside our own country is to learn about other countries culture and tradition.  As I learn more about them I came to know that we have different culture and tradition which define who we are. When we meet foreigner we start to talk which is mostly initiated  by my other Bhutanese friends from our side  since I am a girl of few words and socializing was never a piece of cake for me.  Well I am trying to socialize with people and I think I am improving gradually.

Most of the people from European country do not have any idea about Bhutan. One of my friend from Germany said “who would have thought that a small country with less than a million people exist between two giant countries India and China.” Another girl from Korean said “I heard that you have king just like fairy tales.” She was so excited about it.  One of a girl from Taiwan said “I read that Bhutan is the happiest country, are you all happy?”  One day my Erasmus buddy asked me “Was Bhutan under some country before.” There were many questions which I barely remember as I am jotting it down now.

We have kings who devoted their whole life for the well being of the country and the people. They look after us though we are young democratic country now.  One of my friends said “Bhutan is poor but happy country.” I thought are we really happy and I could not answer to Taiwan friend at one go because I have never asked that question to myself before.  Am I happy being a Bhutanese?  People from other country who know about us consider us as the happiest people and being a part of country itself is something valuable. After a while I said “Yes indeed we are very happy but we do have our own share of problems. But despite of minor problem  Bhutan is a safe and happy country She nodded and said  that minor problem will be present everywhere. 

And to the last question we said with pride that our country was always Independent. We were never under any other country because of our visionary king. I felt proud being a Bhutanese despite of our small size or economic status.  So as we celebrate our National day (17th december) I wish our king without which we will never be who we are today, country and the people with lots of happiness and well being. May peace and prosperity shine in Drukyul under Wangchuk dynasty.
Pelden Drukpa Gyelo!
Wangchuk Dynasty: The visionary Monarch  of Bhutan
picture courtesy: Facebook



Sunday, December 14, 2014

Values

The primary aim we have when we join any institution is to get a degree or diploma certificate. No one would want to go to institution if those certificates are not provided.  We go to attend lecture to catch up with the attendance shortage or it is mandatory for everyone to attend class or sometime we genuinely want to learn something; something which we cannot get outside the four walls of institution. There may be other firms where they can provide some lecture but it will be difficult to find all sets of things we need in one place.  So institution is a grooming place to provide certificate to our bright near future provided we have done all the necessary preparation and fulfilled the requirement.

Though the primary aim of the institution is to provide a gateway to a professional life, it does take up the responsibility to cultivate values that we need in our everyday life. The values may not be taught as a separate module or it will not be pasted in notice board or a lecturer may not tell you the list of values we need to have once we graduate from the university or institution. If we observe the values are everywhere, all we need is a little more observation and a little more appreciation.
Some of the values I appreciated during my 4 months stay in Riga Technical University and i hope i can practice those values.

Responsible:
  Time is important for everyone in this rapidly changing world. But if we need a task to be done everyone responsible should be well informed about it. I have observed this value from the first day I stepped into this institution.  Everyone was doing their task entrusted to them in a very systematic manner. Where ever I went people responsible for the task was well informed about it before hand. It was so easier for me and my work was done in a very smooth manner. Therefore as a student our responsibility is to learn and we should do it with sincerity and dedication because it is for our self. We are paving our own future.

Helping hand:
  Someone rightly said that lending a helping hand is better than the lips that pray. I went searching for a book in library in civil faculty department. I was there for the first time so the lady told me the whole procedure. Now this is her responsibility. It will not be taken as helping hand. I visited the library twice or thrice after that.  But what made me amazed was though I was aware of the whole system, she helped me search whole library for the book that I wanted. She was so kind that she had to go through a lot of racks just to find my book. We still could not find what I wanted. So I walked back to dormitory thinking that I will search in net. And after a day I received a mail from her with the name of the book that might help me. I was so happy not because I got the book but because someone total stranger helped me without even asking. I realized no matter whether we know or not, helping hand always leaves a good impact.  So as student we should not hesitate to extend help if one needs. No one is born with all things imprinted on their mind.  At the same time we should not hesitate to ask for help if we need because we will always gain when we share ideas and thoughts.

Approachable and Receptive:
There may be a time when it becomes so confusing to sort out things and for me there were a lot of such times. So Whenever I approached someone be it my tutor or my project guide they have always been receptive and approachable.  They listen to my ideas and they tell me what are the possibilities and necessary things that I have to do. Even when I mail them they were kind enough to reply me or give feedback on my work despite of their very busy schedule. Now I think being approachable and receptive will not only improve professional relationship between student and teacher, it will also improve the relation between the staff also. This type of values where you are receptive to new ideas and being approachable will help us to develop the overall view of the particular field.

P.S   It was a home assignment so i just felt like sharing. I think i should start thinking about what CST has installed in me. I know it will be more....:) Hope your university has also contributed a lot to your growth.


Friday, December 12, 2014

Farewell

Dear 2014,
It has been a tough journey right?  So many things have happened over the past 11 and half month approximately. You have been harsh on me when the year started. Everything fell apart and you made me to weep days and days. There was time when I had to lie down because it was too painful to absorb everything. There wasn’t rage nor anger but only pain. Sometime I felt like the essence of life that is hope is draining away from me. Despite of all that things I thought if only just for once if you could listen to my unsaid words.  I cried in silence and wept in despair but you turned blind eye to me. I felt like I was buried alive because my voice failed to reach you. And I wondered for the first time if things will ever be okay again.

I didn’t know why you made me to go through such things but with shaken faith I still believed you. I knew you would not let me go through such things for long. Then one day you gave me the option to start over. I was confused, scared but I knew that I was holding on to something that was never there in the very first place. I didn’t know that letting go was tougher than holding on. On the other hand it was maybe once in a life time opportunity. So I took it because life is a long journey. I didn’t want to spoil the rest of my journey for something that was not meant for me. So I strolled on to my new journey both professionally and personally.

And I am here now in Latvia for past four months. It is weird how you made me weep but at the end you send all these beautiful things to mold me again. May be without such pain you could not have molded me. I know sometime I can be so adamant and I need such lesson.  I may never be who I was before but somehow I changed for good. I learnt to accept things, I learnt to let go and I learned to value those I have in my life. May be change is necessary; change the only permanent thing some wise person said. I hope that whatever I have learned through the ups and downs of my life, will take me to the better path. I hope that I can be better than who I was yesterday be it for the person I have in my life, be it in the my field of education or be it for my family and friends who stood by my side always.

So thank you 2014 for everything and sorry for bidding you farewell before you are ending. I always wanted to thank you and I know the last two weeks of 2014 will be another lovely journey. I hope 2015 will be another worth living year. I do not expect never ending happiness, all I expect is a worth living and learning years ahead.  So that one day when I look back I can take a deep breathe and say I did my best without any regret.
Farewell 2014 and welcome 2015
Picture courtesy : Google


Monday, December 8, 2014

It is okay

When life bestows you with sadness,
It is okay my dear to feel the pain
For we should know the  essence of life
To feel everything be it pain

When life turns its back on to you
It is okay to be frustrated sometime
Cry it out loud if you must
Because not all are strong enough to bear it

When the goal seems miles away
With no direction or clue to get towards it
It is okay my dear to rest for a while
Resume your journey when your head is cleared.

And when sunshine appears in your life
It is okay my dear to embrace it fully
Celebrate, express and feel it
Don’t hesitate or fear of what might happen next

Life is but a series of journey
So make it beautiful if you can
If not accept it as it is
Coz sometime things are better as they are

Monday, November 24, 2014

Be true to yourself

There comes a time in our life when we really want to do something or feel something. But somehow we are scared that something wrong might happen and we back off. People say take risk or fly off the comfort zone. But does it really penetrate into our minds or is it just empty words barking at us. Despite of reading inspiration quotes first thing in the morning for more than a month now the only thought I have in my mind is am I running after a wild goose chase or am I missing out something?

Sometime I run out of words and even opinions. Sometime I even don’t know what is good or bad or right or wrong. Everything that is happening becomes acceptable that sometime I wonder what is happening to me.   Am I too scared to be judged by others if I say something?  If we pour out our disappointment then someone would definitely say not to give a shit about it. But are we really strong that way, are we tough inside out?  Do we not really care when others pass judgment to us? Or do we pretend to be not bothered by it just to conceal our weaker side.

If we have something to tell why do we have to think a lot to speak up, may be truth is bitter but it’s the truth after all. If we care or love someone why are we so scared to express it fully or love whole heartedly? Is it because of the fear that someone may take us for granted or is it because we don’t want to be judged or is it because we are too egoistic to admit that this things does not matter though it does. Or is it because you just want to evoke others feelings just to leave them in pain just for your sake of fun. Can anyone be so cruel? Or are we just scared because we don’t know what is going on.  Or are we habituated being like that that we have become indifference. What is the harm in giving 100 % while dealing with such things? What is the harm in being honest, loyal or trust worthy?  Did these three words have become too much to expect nowadays? May be things will never work out fine even if we have done everything we could. We may land up with not so many friends or acquaintance but do we need them all? I think having few true friends or someone whom we can trust with all our heart and soul will suffice everything.  

I read somewhere that deep down every one is a lonely person. Is it true?  May be it is because no one will ever understand ourselves better than us.  May be having someone whom you can trust and love can make us forget about the loneliness lurking beneath us. But if we are really not happy with our self will we ever be happy? How long are we going to be in a circle who forbids us from being ourselves? How long are we going to stand on others expectation until we lose who we are?  That would be the greatest tragedy and the mean thing we will ever do to ourselves. 

So does not matter how outside world is because it is our life. We may be having our own discipline and way of living life and all that matter is we follow it accordingly.  Don’t look back one day and regret for being someone else.  Life may not be always happy but pain is also essential. And what matters at the end is not loosing who you are and what you are throughout this not so smooth path of life.



Monday, November 17, 2014

“Staro Riga 2014”

“Staro Riga 2014” Festival of light is a part of Riga carnival which stands for happiness and change.  It is scheduled for five evening from 14 to 18 of November 2014. It presents the idea of transformation and lighting up of the city, building, windows and façade. It tries to provide people with the feeling of adventure, exploration and discovery.

 I was excited when friends told me that the city looked so beautiful. So not wasting much time me and my apartment mates headed to the city. When I entered the city I felt like I was entering into a different realm. Riga is not a big city, but it is a beautiful one even during the day light. At night when the city is decorated with lights the view is splendid. There was showcase of the work by various artists from Latvia, Lithuania, France, Portugal etc showing their globally acclaimed work during light festival. I don’t know how other people felt but I was so amazed. I started to think what would we do if there was not greatest invention like light particularly the great Thomas Elva Edison’s invention the light bulb. My appreciation to this great man increased by many folds that night. So to be a part of the event where they show the importance of such invention is a beautiful experience, once in a life time opportunity at least for me. If lucky enough I hope I get to attend such events in the near future. 
video









 .Picture courtesy: myself, chimi, Osk seung, Tashi 
Video courtesy : Ingus  Betman

Monday, November 10, 2014

Flickering light

She stood there for a longer time
Gazing at the closed door before her
Not knowing whether to turn back or wait further
But there was no signal of light from the other

She debated with herself several times
 Pretended it will be ok to wait for sometime
Despite the fact that there wasn’t anything left
And whenever she was reminded about it she wept

In fear and confusion she walked away finally
With a final gaze at the closed door sadly
It was scary for her in the beginning
 Has got used to see her hopes draining

 Time strolled slowly for her but for a while
As she adjusted to her new welcoming life
The flickering light grew brighter with each passing days
And she could not help it but to be in gay

There was twinkle in her once sad eyes
Music on her once forgotten song
And in the rain she danced openly
Enjoying every moment of her life fully

And I stood there speechlessly
Feeling happy for my friend ceaselessly
And relaxed did I walk away leaving a note
That said enjoy my poem from the unknown poet.

Friday, November 7, 2014

Energy efficient construction

The population of the earth is approximately 7 billion at present.  It is estimated that it will double every after 60 years [3].  With the number of inhabitants increasing there is more demand for energy to provide comfortable and suitable living standard. On the other hand the primary source of energy such as oil and natural gas are limited and are at the verge of depleting.  Many have forecasted the time when it might happen but it is sure that it will happen in the near foreseeable future [3]. In some parts of the world like Bhutan a very small country where the oil and natural gas are imported from outside, the prices of these resources has been increasing annually. This indicates that the demand is more while the supply is less which leads to increase in price.

Due to the excessive or inefficient use of energy, there is emission of green house gases. It was found out that energy consumption alone in the residential building accounts for about 70% of global carbon dioxide emission [2]. Hence the climate change is becoming inevitable and it is posing a great threat globally. Nature has already sent its warning. There is rising of sea level, melting of glaciers, extreme climatic condition, drought and the list goes on. If necessary actions are not taken now then this generation people will be regarded as the generation who ignored the signs of nature[2].

The residential sector in Bhutan is the highest energy consumer, accounting for 48.7% of the total energy consumption [4]. Most of the energy is used for either space heating or cooling. In Western Europe 52% of energy is consumed to maintain acceptable environmental conditions within buildings [1]. Therefore if we do not have proper building construction the loss of heat will be quite high. This will consume more energy. Energy saving can be taken up in the various method. There should be plans and strategy to save limited primary resources from waning.   There is high potential of using energy efficiently in residential building by recognizing energy efficient construction. Once the method is found out, it should be implemented. According to the studies that was carried out in 2008, it says that the potential for saving energy from building were equivalent to 15 times the installed wind power capacity in Europe [2].

While implementing energy efficient construction there are various attributes that can be taken into consideration like energy loss reduction, efficient energy generation and efficient energy usage. The implementation of energy saving construction like use of insulation for thermal properties might increase the initial cost.  But it will be profitable in the long term as it minimizes maintenance cost as well as cost for space heating or cooling. Thus saving energy as well as utility cost in the long run.

Bibliography

[1]
J. Clarke and T. Maver, "Advanced tools for energy conscious building design," in Development and dissemination. Building and environment, 1991.
[2]
"Climate change and energy security," Knauf Inuslation, [Online]. Available: http://www.knaufinsulation.com/en/climate-change-and-energy-security. [Accessed 7 11 2014].
[3]
M. Rubina, J. Golunovs, E. Semjonova, R. Baufals, D. Indriksone, I. Bremere, A. Linde, L. Biezina, v. C. knorre and J. Faltin, "Improving energy efficiency of the building," “Jelgavas tipogrāfija”, Rīga, 2008, Riga, 2008.
[4]
"Technology needs assessment and technology action plan for climate change mitigation," Bhutan, 2012.

 The above article was some finding that i came across while preparing some reports. I thought it is informative so i felt like sharing

Saturday, November 1, 2014

Apprieciation

Sometime when life gets harder
I will be there for you my brother
Like the forever and always promise
We shall stand together for days to come

Sadness is a part and parcel of life
But with your criticism and humor
 I forget to dwell in it sometime
For you make me laugh like never before


We played pranks, laughed and cried
 Hide and took blame for each other’s mistake
 Saving from mother’s thunderous scolding
For it will prick you right in the core of heart

You took responsibility at such a tender age
I felt deeply sorry as you had to sacrifice a lot
But never did you made us feel anything
Such a selfless and kind person you are


 Though you appear merry and gay outside
I know deep down sadness lurks in you
Because we have listened to our Walter mitty thought.
And I pray sincerely because you deserve a lot.


Saturday, October 25, 2014

Trip to Estonia and Finland

It has been almost two months since I was here in Latvia. I didn’t go out much because of my love to stay in my apartment or if I put it other way round, my laziness to go out.  So when my other Erasmus friend from Nepal and Germany came up with the plan of visiting Estonia and Finland, my laziness evaporated. I agreed to join with them after discussing with my other Bhutanese friend here. 
So on 10th October 2014 we took a bus from central station, Riga at around 2 pm in the afternoon. We nearly missed the bus as our bus from the dormitory got late. We had to run to central station after bus dropped us at local bus terminal and it was such a funny sight to see all eleven of us running. People were literally staring at us. I just could not help laughing.

After 4 and half hours ride, we finally arrived in Tallinn the capital city of Estonia. We stayed in a hostel as it was much cheaper for us. We didn’t have much difficulty in finding one as the organizer has already inquired well about the hostel. We kept our luggage in hostel and roamed around the Tallinn city. There were so many people in the street despite the late hours. We had late dinner in one of the German restaurant. After dinner we again roamed around. My legs were hurting because of walking a lot when I got back to hostel. At around 2 in the morning we finally slept.  We got up early in the morning and headed for breakfast in one of typical restaurant of Tallinn serving their traditional food. I thoroughly enjoyed it. After breakfast we roamed again. Brother Sangay and I nearly got lost when we were taking pictures.  As a result they had to search us and again we got late. So we had to walk very fast to reach  harbor on time to take ferry to Helsinki; Finland. They would tease us that brother Sangay and i will be lost if we go together again. They would remind other friends to keep track on us. May be because both of us like taking pictures so we halt each and every place unlike them.

At around 12:15 pm we boarded ferry leaving to Helsinki Finland. It was my first time in the ferry. I have always imagined about staring at the vastness of ocean and thought about how it would feel. It was not ocean but Baltic Sea but I did feel happy. I felt happy to see my dream transforming into reality. I wished to freeze the time to have that feeling forever. But time waits for none and I didn’t have anything to freeze that moment. All I had was to enjoy that moment fully and carry those beautiful memory and feelings with me. I will always smile remembering my first ferry ride. After 2 and half hours we reached harbor in Helsinki .We went to hostel that we have booked by taking a tram. We roamed around the city that day. We went to Irish bar to relax ourselves after having light dinner at Mac Donald. There were eleven of us so finding a place to sit together was quite difficult for us.  There were small cubicles where people can sit and talk. After waiting for some time we did get a place to sit. Some of them drank beer, some fizzy drinks and I and my roommate drank tea.  We talked and it was such a good place to hang out.   All the people were talking, some ladies group, some gents groups and some mixed.  I really enjoyed the atmosphere. People were talking and laughing. I missed my other  friends.I thought about how beautiful that moment would have been if they were here with me.

Next day after having heavy breakfast in one of the restaurant serving their traditional food, we headed to National Museum of Finland.  Shame ran through my spine when I realized that I have never been to the national Museum of my own country. I promised myself that I would visit it as soon as I got back to my Beautiful country Bhutan.So after that we headed to ferry back to Tallinn and from Tallinn back to Riga. It was 3:47 am when we finally reached  our dormitory fully exhausted. But it was worth it in a million ways.

I enjoyed every bit and pieces of those trips thinking that maybe I will never get this opportunity again. I won’t be staying here in this foreign land for long time. I usually sleep whenever I travel around Bhutan. I never enjoyed the beauty around my country because I took it for granted and I am not proud of it.I always thought that I will always get to see it other day and in this process I never tried to look. Who knows what will happen tomorrow; all we have is now. This trip taught me to value what we have at the moment. Because good things comes slow but they go fast..I heard it somewhere probably a song.

Tallinn, Estonia

Tallinn,Estonia

Tallinn, Estonia

Tallinn, Estonia

Helsinki, Finland

Helsinki, Finland

Morning breakfast at Helsinki, Finland

Helsinki, Finland

Baltic sea on the way to Finland



National Museum of Finland

In National Museum of Finland

In National Museum of Finland

In National Museum of Finland
In National Museum of Finland

With friends from Nepal and my  friends from Bhutan

with friends from Germany

with Friends from Nepal and Italy in Helsinki
Picture courtesy: My friends Sugan, Norman, Chimi and Sangay

Friday, October 17, 2014

A beautiful dream

Sometime life does not turn out to be the way we want but somehow we hope that someday it will be alright. We hope that someday we will be able to see the light flickering at the end of the tunnel.  But if not we can always dream about it and somehow it get fulfilled in some way.

As I got back home, I saw my mother weaving in the living room like always. Father was talking about his work to mother. I looked at them alarmed, giving them a confused look. It has been years since they got separated. There was calm expression on mother’s face as if everything was okey. Father grinned at me and said that they got back together.  I know I am not a kid anymore; matured enough to take my own responsibilities. I do know how to take care of myself and the people around me. But sometime I wish to see my parents together. I am still their child no matter how old I get. During their separation I could not grieve openly also. I thought their separation was best for them. If they don’t find happiness in each other’s company anymore, why should they sacrifice their life for kids?  But deep down I knew that things would never be same and as expected it was not same.  I miss to see my parents together. Somehow I felt happy to see them together finally and I felt like god answered my prayer eventually. I had a soothing beautiful feeling. 


When sun rose up in the morning I realized that it was just a dream, a beautiful one. I thought about it and knew that they will never be together again. They are happy somehow in their own life now. But at least my wish to see them together was finally granted; be it in a dream. 

Thursday, October 2, 2014

Empty pages

She stood there for a long time
She had the choice she ever wanted
To stare at  the vastness of ocean
Fill that vastness with her thoughts
And let it sink deep into it
Forever left to be forgotten
She picked up her book and pen
Tried to spit out thoughts she dare not to think
But words failed to describe those thoughts
Everything felt right at that moment
Everything felt at its own place
Nothing seem wrong nor bad
Staring at the calmness of the ocean
A feeling of tranquility swept over her
As if the vastness of ocean heard her unspoken words
She tried to scribble her thoughts again
Was confused to feel at peace after so long
But she failed to give justice to those thoughts again
She looked at her empty pages worried
 But gentle breeze from ocean reminded her of their presence
And she knew they have read her empty pages
And somehow the ocean took away her loads.
And calmness crept into her again.

Friday, September 12, 2014

Far away home

To the far away home
To the far away home I stare
And I stare with confusion
There are people whom I love
And there are people whom I care
But in the midst of people I love and care
There are people who scare me
Sometime the reminder of that pain
Pricks me and I never want to face it again
Because I know I am too weak to face it again
But I belong to that far away land
The land which has given me so much
The home which has always blessed me
The friendship which has kept me going
I owe them more than words can ever describe
In this unknown land I reside now
I feel neither pain nor the happiness
And I enjoy this feeling of indifference
But I question myself Am I really living?
So I stare again to that far away home both with fear and love













Thursday, September 11, 2014

Greeting from LATVIA

The Turkish airlines after almost 10 hours finally dropped us in the Riga air port leaving us in a place we never thought we would visit one day. We were welcomed with the cool breeze and all I could remember of telling my friend was “it is colder than Bhutan.” Unfortunately my friend lost her baggage and we had to report to the concerned authority. They helped us to file the complain and assured us that they would deliver the luggage to our apartment as soon as they get it. Our Erasmus buddy Inga and Laura, Latvian student who studies in Riga Technical University came to receive us. They had waited about three hours for us since we had mistaken the time of arrival. They helped us with everything and they were always there when we needed them. I don’t know how I can ever thank them for the help they rendered us.
I have always loved to live in a quiet place and sometime my mother use to tell me that I should settle in some goenpa where I can be free from the noise of the people, honking of the car, etc. To my utter happiness my apartment is about 20 minutes walking from the main town. It is a quiet place and I simply enjoy the view from my window. All the things that are necessary such as super market, bank and my civil engineering faculty classes are all just 5 minutes walking distance from my apartment but in different direction.
For next two weeks after arrival in the Riga, we were busy with signing of the agreement, opening bank account, getting student ID, attending seminars, attending nontraditional games ,visiting zoo and we also had ice breaking party. One thing that amazed me most was the services rendered, be in bank or in the institution. People are genuinely polite, they would help us with the things and all are well informed about our arrival in the institution. I was amazed with their management. Things are all done in systematic manner without any delay and I uttered to my friend “if I ever  wanted to do management course than I would definitely come back to Riga.”
I am a civil engineer student but whether I will be a good or bad engineer, I don’t yet know. And somehow we engineers love observing structure and design. I had to visit Riga old town time and again since the foreign student department’s administrative building is located there. Somehow I found all the design of the building so beautiful and have its own uniqueness. I am a Bhutanese, I do have respect for our traditional design but somehow I found design bit monotonous in Bhutan. I know it is too early for me to comment on the design with my very little knowledge but that is just my view. And I feel that everyone has the right to express their views.
Well this city is beautiful; it is neither too populated nor polluted. And believe me or not people are so tall and they have very beautiful skin. Sometime I would feel like they have just walked out of the movie. One of my apartment mate from Mongolia told us that they don’t take chilli because it spoils skin. well I was like”I can’t live without chilli.” And he started laughing. When he asked me why do we asian usually looks younger ,my answer was “because we take chilli.”.

p.s. My friend got her baggage after one day and they did deliver it to our apartment.



Freedom of monument of Latvia

National opera house




Near Baltic sea

International student near Baltic sea






Saturday, September 6, 2014

Just a scene

She stole a look at him and he was there in his best black gho looking charming as ever. She pretended as if it didn’t affect her. He was concentrating hard in his physics class. She stole another look at him. It was advantage on her side since he use to sit in the first bench. He hardly talks with her and she tries hard to suppress her feelings for him. It’s just a swaying feeling she thought. He walks in front of her and she laughs thinking “weird guy have different walking style.” He halts and turns around to ask her friend for the physics practical note book. She acts as if she hadn’t notice him and pretends to be absorbed in her thought. “Why he didn’t ask my book” she heard herself talking to herself. “I did all the calculation and report and my friend just copied from me and he asks her instead of me. What is so wrong with me?” Another conversation with herself

There was a practical class and in the group of four he wasn’t there. Her friend tells her that he is not showing up for the practical class and she tells her “who cares…leave it if he does not want to do it” but she hears her own voice “you do stupid”. She starts doing her practical but every now and then she steals a look at the door to check whether he is coming or not. And after sometime he does. He walks with that expressionless face and talks to her friend. She acts as if she didn’t notice him. When he ask her question she gives a confusing answer or rather sarcastic suggestion like “you should go back to hostel and sleep if you can’t come on time.” he gives her a half smile. She tries not to blush. 

He sits in the first bench so that he can avoid seeing her since his attention turns around to her. He tries hard to concentrate in his physics class but her face with that smile he has seen in the morning pops in his mind every now and then. He walks in front of her so that he can hear her laughing and talking with her friend.  He hears “ouch sound” and turns around to check whether she was okays or not and realizes it as another girl. Out of embarassesment he asks her friend’s practical notebook. He steals a look at her and sees that she was busy watching skies “why does she make me feel so invisible. “He hears his voice.

He was watching football match when his phone rang. It was her friend calling him to come for practical class.” Damn it why did I forget.” He rushes to do the practical and sees her absorbed in her work. He asks her procedure and she says him to go back to hostel and sleep. Why does she hate me so much? he thinks
He walks away from her and joins other friend. He hears her giggling voice and turns around to see his friends near her. He was criticizing one of the class mates.  He was sitting idle in the corner when she came to return the instrument. He stands up to help her but instead of asking her to help he asks” is practical over?” she does not look at him and says “yes” and walks away. He followed the rest of the group including her. They were done with the practical and no one gave a damn shit to him. He walked lonely while she was accompanied with her ever best friend Phuntsho and rest of the group. She was laughing over the joke that Phuntsho was creating. He walked slowly since no one dared to care his absence but when they have walked some distance she turned around and looked at him. He tried to smile but to his dismay she turned back quickly.  But somehow his friends waited for him outside her hostel and he walked quickly to catch them. She bid good bye and went to her hostel.


Journey to Exchange program

At some point in life I feel that though I may not have everything that I desire, I do have everything that I need. A day before my departure to Latvia for the exchange program, I felt so heavy inside. I told myself several times that I will be just gone for about a year.  I can’t show my weakness to my family member because I know they will be worried more than me. I never wanted to give my family member any trouble or worry. They deserve to be happy and I just can’t bear to see them unhappy because of me.  But that was one part of the story.
 I was worried about my mother as she usually gets sick when she is not happy. She never wanted to send me away from her. when I told her about my view on applying for the exchange program she said” I am not educated like you, I don’t know what is good or bad for you when it comes to your education but sending you away frets me out.”  I didn’t say anything though I had a bunch of reason for applying for the exchange program. Somehow nobody in the family wanted me to go. So I told my family members that I am not applying anymore and I left for my college. There were about seven projects under which we can apply for the exchange program. I saw opportunity slipping from my hand easily and I was not happy. I have always obeyed to my family member for the decision they have taken for me so far.  Mother didn’t want to send me away as she was worried that something might happen to me and she might lose me. Others didn’t encourage me as I will be losing a year.
And one day something boosted me up and I had the strongest reason to apply for the exchange. I thought it’s now or never. So I called my brother not to discuss but to inform him that I was applying.  He told me that I have every right to make my own decision and he also knew that I was not going to change it even if he says something.  So I applied for it and believe me I put my heart and soul in the project I applied for the exchange program. I didn’t seek much help from other because I knew that was my journey and I am entirely responsible for it.  But without the grace of the god I would not have achieved though.  Before the result came my roommate asked me” what if you get selected, will you go?” I thought and after a while the only answer was “I don’t know, I applied because I don’t want to regret for the rest of my life for loosing such opportunity but If mother becomes sad, I don’t know what I will do.”
My family member gradually accepted my decision and when I got selected they had mixed feeling.  I was worried that mother would be sad but by the time I got home for summer vacation after 4 months she was happy. Everyone was actually happy for me.
When the day of departure came the only thought I had on my mind was “why did I apply?” I wanted to be with my family and friends and leaving the known shore seemed scary for me. My two eldest brother said “don’t worry about mother, she will be fine and don’t worry about anything here.  Enjoy your life and take care of your health.” My two brothers have always stood by my side whenever I needed someone ever since my parents got divorced. They have been my source of strength and only living being whom I trust. Like always I told them that I would be fine and I left them behind in pursuit of something I don’t yet know.


Monday, July 21, 2014

down the memory lane

Life is a series of memories which makes us both laugh and cry. We never know what is going to happen next but we can always cherish those beautiful memories. My father was an army so we use to reside in Dechencholing army camp in Thimphu. My two best friend’s ( Sangay Wangmo and Sonam Dekar ) father was also army and our houses were nearby.  Our routine will be almost same. S.Dekar was my next door neighbor and we use to do almost all things together like doing dishes outside in the sun, preparing curry for lunch, washing clothes etc.
 Sangay was very fond of swimming back then, she knows most of the swimming style and she would demonstrate to me when I accompany her to the swimming. There was not a swimming pool stadium in Dechencholing nor did we have the privilege to visit the only swimming pool in Thimphu town. So our only option was to swim in the river few meters away from our residential.  Most of the time S.dekar mother‘s won’t allow her to go with us because of the fear that we would be washed away and she use to warn us not to go. But we were not obedient kid back then; leaving S.dekar behind two of us would go for swimming.  I never had the skill to swim so most of the time I use to land up watching Sangay doing various style of swimming which I remember none now. That was one mischievous thing we use to do often; thank god we were not washed away by that river.
Somehow I picture the character of three idiots Rancho, Farah and Raju in three of us.  Sangay use to give all the ideas both mischievous and the good one and I use to listen to her every plan full of excitement  while S.dekar  would be torn in two parts; scared of mother to do mischievous things and the excitement to join our plan.  Most of the time she will be left out of our plan but we would narrate the whole event later.
Another mischievous thing we use to do was to steal apple from other orchard during apple season. This was usually done during Saturdays so right after we were done with our social work, three of us would meet and leave for our destiny. Sonam will be the one holding the bag since she would be too scared to plug the apples. She would be shivering out of fear even when Sangay and I would be the one doing that. She would look around and tell us to hurry. Once our small bag is full we would silently leave the apple orchard and distribute equally among us once we are far away from the orchard.  We did it once or twice and it was not something we were proud of. Thinking about this things we use to laugh till tears comes out our eyes when we meet now a days.
 Our parent does not give us lump sum of money back then when we were in primary.  Yet we would get everything at a cheaper rate. At the maximum my mother uses to give me Nu. 5. We would buy datsi gurum which is only Nu. 1 and I have not seen these sweets nowadays.  Pappad and aludum both Nu. 1 which we usually eat when we return back home.
 Since sonam has to accompany her sister I use to go with Sangay to school. My father never allowed me to watch movies and series because of the only notion that these things would spoil me. Back then television were rare and only few people would own it. Sangay’s family didn’t have any kind of restriction so she use to watch almost all the bolly wood movies and series. My favorite hero was Sunil shetty back then but  I don’t remember now why he was my favorite hero. The popular TV series were Kasauti and KKusum.  So whenever she watches those movies and series she would narrate me the whole event on the way to school. I use to curse my father a lot for not allowing me to watch those television shows. We use to buy post card of those heroes which was Nu. 1 for each. 
Later when magic pencil series came, we would be talking about things we would do if we had that magic pencil. We would pray to god to grant us with that magic pencil. Somehow we really thought that magic pencil existed.  On the way back home there use to be a wall which we passes by. Sangay and I use to imagine that one as the cake factory and talk about all those cake we would eat if it was real. Sometime we even pray to god to throw us a packet of 500 notes …haha those wish never came true yet we use to feel happy imagining having those things. Having magic pencil, owning lots of bolly wood actors’ postcard, eating those delicious cakes, thinking about those things we would buy if we have that packet of 500 notes.  We would be so excited talking about such things as if we have owned it.
Though we were kid we use to help parents in our small way. Especially during winter we use to go for fire wood collection. Sangay and Sonam were very strong they would carry a sack of firewood. I would carry very less compared to them. That was the reason my mother didn’t allow me to go for fire wood collection later. She taught me how to weave kiras and other stuff instead.
 Those were some beautiful memories I have of my days in primary classes. Life was really simple, our desires were funny and stupid yet our life was beautiful. Sometime when I think about those moments I just wish if I can turn back the clock. And today when we meet which happens very rare since we had to leave to different places for our studies, we use to laugh talking about those moments and compare our life. How life has unfolded and how we had to endure things we never thought of. We become sad talking about those unaccomplished dreams, broken heart, broken family, and how we got separated for the sake of our profession. Yet we were always there for each other all through the thick and thin of our life.  


Monday, July 14, 2014

fear

There was always something in my life which drew my attention or interest. These things would keep me engaged and helps me to forget things which prick me. Somehow I use to escape from the things which I was not prepared to accept. But not lately, I want to engage myself in some work but there seems to be no interest. No matter how hard I try I land up doing nothing.  I feel lethargic and emptiness crawls inside me. I just sit in my room trying to sleep or trying to read something but I find no joy in it. I never felt like this before. I was either sad or happy or normal but not feeling less. I wonder why?
Since I have one and half month vacation before I leave for my exchange program in Latvia, my mother asked me to give tuition to my friend’s sister. I thought it was the best way to kill my boredom and enthusiastically I agreed. I always wanted to become a teacher and teaching use to give me immense pleasure. I had given tuition before also and I never remember becoming bored in the middle of teaching.  But I don’t know, I use to teach them for three hours in the morning and in the middle i don’t feel like teaching. I ask my students whether they are bored or not. They would tell me that they really understand my teaching and that they want to learn everything before I leave. This should have boosted up my energy in teaching them but I feel worn out and tired. There seems to be no genuine interest and for the first time I felt like I am teaching them just because my mother asked me to teach them. My mother was always concerned about those students appearing for class 10 board examination. If one does not qualify for the government school in 11th grade, parents does not have any choice but to put them in private school.  It is difficult for those parents who are not financially sound.  Giving extra coaching at home sometimes helps the student to qualify for the government school. I just hope I gain back my interest and at least lend a helping hand for my friend’s family in my small way.
I don’t have a reason to be sad or anything to worry about. Due to my weakness my mother does not let me do anything other than daily house hold chores. I am already under medication and every one at home takes care of me as if I am sick. I have just lost weight during my stay in CST due to unavoidable academic pressure and other stress. There is nothing to be worried about yet I feel like something is draining out of me slowly. I don’t feel like talking, I don’t feel like visiting friends or going anywhere.  Even if I go to visit friends I started feeling bored which is so unlike of me. Things which bring joy before; now makes me feel tired and weary. I wonder what is really happening to me. It has been days now and I have started to worry just like everyone at home when they see me in absolute silence or when I retreat myself in my room whole day alone. It is as if like I have given up on the outside world or maybe I am too comfortable in my little world but then why am I fearing?


Friday, July 11, 2014

Silence

As I sat there building castle in the air, my friend walked into my room unannounced.  She looked at me but didn’t utter a word and sat beside me. She looked tired as if she has just returned from the long fought battle and her rueful expression indicated that the outcome was not in her favor.  She took a deep breath and said “Can I sleep on your lap?” The atmosphere in the room got tense and I wondered what was going inside that sunken tired person. I nodded and she placed her head on my lap. I didn’t have the guts to ask her any question since she seemed too fragile to answer any queries. She closed her eyes and I sat there staring at her. “Are you all right dear?” I uttered at last since my head was at the verge of explosion with questions.” Shhhh no question please” She pleaded. I pat her head and then hugged her. Tears trickled down her pale face and deep down I knew that she is still feeling that chill she is not suppose to feel. She squeezed my hand and was struggling to sleep but in vain. After sometime she lifted her head with cries engraved in her throat and ran to the bathroom. I followed her but she slammed the door. I stood there petrified. After a while she came out with her face washed, gave me a weak smile and said” I aint crying anymore.”  

Tuesday, June 17, 2014

Answer

She walks with her head held high
For she believe her heart is send for mend
She smiles with the people around
For she is a strong girl people think
But when night grows older
When she cocoons alone in her room
Does she cry for the heaviness inside
And  when the dawn breaks again
She puts that pretentious face of happiness
For she has to be happy for people who cares her
But  scar runs down  too deep to heal
She dare not to share the dream
Those dream which made her happy once
She has build a chamber around her
And in it she dwells now
Her trust over the life is shaken
But not her faith over the god
Even when her only aim shattered 
Her faith was not broken
And she is determined not to let it happen
She waits for the answer
For she knows it will take time
But god shall answer her eventually
For letting things happen she was not prepared for…