Saturday, September 6, 2014

Journey to Exchange program

At some point in life I feel that though I may not have everything that I desire, I do have everything that I need. A day before my departure to Latvia for the exchange program, I felt so heavy inside. I told myself several times that I will be just gone for about a year.  I can’t show my weakness to my family member because I know they will be worried more than me. I never wanted to give my family member any trouble or worry. They deserve to be happy and I just can’t bear to see them unhappy because of me.  But that was one part of the story.
 I was worried about my mother as she usually gets sick when she is not happy. She never wanted to send me away from her. when I told her about my view on applying for the exchange program she said” I am not educated like you, I don’t know what is good or bad for you when it comes to your education but sending you away frets me out.”  I didn’t say anything though I had a bunch of reason for applying for the exchange program. Somehow nobody in the family wanted me to go. So I told my family members that I am not applying anymore and I left for my college. There were about seven projects under which we can apply for the exchange program. I saw opportunity slipping from my hand easily and I was not happy. I have always obeyed to my family member for the decision they have taken for me so far.  Mother didn’t want to send me away as she was worried that something might happen to me and she might lose me. Others didn’t encourage me as I will be losing a year.
And one day something boosted me up and I had the strongest reason to apply for the exchange. I thought it’s now or never. So I called my brother not to discuss but to inform him that I was applying.  He told me that I have every right to make my own decision and he also knew that I was not going to change it even if he says something.  So I applied for it and believe me I put my heart and soul in the project I applied for the exchange program. I didn’t seek much help from other because I knew that was my journey and I am entirely responsible for it.  But without the grace of the god I would not have achieved though.  Before the result came my roommate asked me” what if you get selected, will you go?” I thought and after a while the only answer was “I don’t know, I applied because I don’t want to regret for the rest of my life for loosing such opportunity but If mother becomes sad, I don’t know what I will do.”
My family member gradually accepted my decision and when I got selected they had mixed feeling.  I was worried that mother would be sad but by the time I got home for summer vacation after 4 months she was happy. Everyone was actually happy for me.
When the day of departure came the only thought I had on my mind was “why did I apply?” I wanted to be with my family and friends and leaving the known shore seemed scary for me. My two eldest brother said “don’t worry about mother, she will be fine and don’t worry about anything here.  Enjoy your life and take care of your health.” My two brothers have always stood by my side whenever I needed someone ever since my parents got divorced. They have been my source of strength and only living being whom I trust. Like always I told them that I would be fine and I left them behind in pursuit of something I don’t yet know.